


That Hat Has Become The Bane Of My Existence

by queen_of_demons_and_hell



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:48:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28350414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_of_demons_and_hell/pseuds/queen_of_demons_and_hell
Summary: Kurt gets a new hat. He thinks it's magical. He won't take it off.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Kudos: 8





	That Hat Has Become The Bane Of My Existence

“Hey, Lady Hummel,”

“Yeah?” Kurt turned to look at Santana, who was holding a hot pink hat, “What in the name of all things-”

“I think you should buy it,” Santana was grinning as she plopped the hat on his head, adjusting it until it was perfect. She stepped back, admiring her handiwork, and Kurt struck a pose. “You rock it,” She laughed.

“Of course I do,” He turned to admire himself in the mirror. He hummed, “I think it’s growing on me.”

Santana rested her hands on his shoulders, “It’s beautifully and extravagantly gay. Just like you. It’s a match made in heaven!”

That was almost a week ago, and Kurt had nearly forgotten about the hat, thanks to the other bounty he collected during that adventure with Santana. 

“Rachel!” He yelled across the apartment, “Emergency!”

Rachel snorted, “You always manage to find perfect headwear, and besides, it’s only the diner.”

He heard a vague crash from somewhere in the loft but decided to worry about it later. Rachel slid into his room in her socks, out of breath. “What’s wrong, Kurt?”

“I can’t find appropriate headwear,”

“Rachel,” He said her name it that way that he knew infuriated her, she hated when she didn’t know something. “You remember that raffle thing right?”

“Yeah, but you’ve already gotten so many great opportunities! You don’t need to perform in front of some random critic! You’re already making it!”

“Opportunities are opportunities, Rachel. I’m not just going to give this one up. It’s landing right in my lap.”

She shook her head but glanced at the hats spread across his bed, “So you don’t want any of these?”

“Right,”

“What about that one you got with Santana? The pink one with the flower? That’s not in this array.”

Kurt grabbed Rachel by the shoulders and shook her, before racing off into Rachel’s room.

She chased him in there, “What are you doing?”

“I put the hat in here ‘cause I didn’t have any space in my hat collection. And it’s not like you use that space,” His voice was so matter-of-fact that Rachel couldn’t argue.

“Ah-ha! He exclaimed, pulling out the hatbox.

"Wait, Kurt, no!” She lunged for him, but it was too late. Everything she had along the top of her closet collapsed right on top of Rachel and Kurt.

~~~~~

“Babe, please, for the love of all bowties take that damn hat off,”

“No!” Kurt exclaimed, trying to wrap his arms protectively around the hat currently resting on his head.

“Kurt,” Rachel said softly, “Please take the hat off.”

“It was adorable for the first week, but it’s been two weeks,”

“And you haven’t even washed your hair,” Rachel finished.

“It’s concerning,” Blaine said, nodding.

“But I got it with Santana at the Broadway flea market! And it made me win that raffle at the diner to perform in front of that scout! She loved me!”

“Kurt,” Blaine said, taking his face in his hands and forcing him to look at him, 

“You wear it when we have sex.”

They both heard Rachel choke from next to Blaine on the couch.

“Blaine, I love you. But this hat…”

Blaine leaned back, his eyebrows raised.

“Now, if you two will excuse me from this,” He looked over them with a scrutinizing look, “Intervention. I have places to be.” He stood up, dusted himself off, and strode out the door, adjusting that disturbing pink hat as he went.

“Blaine, you know he didn’t mean that.” Rachel reached out but Blaine shook her off and followed Kurt out the door.

~~~~~

Blaine could see his breath in the cold air as he twisted through the dark streets of New York. He had a horrible flash of Kurt winding up in another hospital bed if he continued walking around in the dark with that hat and attitude, so he started walking much faster.

He caught up to his fiancé, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning Kurt to face him.

“Kurt, that critic didn’t’ love you because of some stupid hat you found with Santana that’s previous owner is probably a dead woman that never even wore it. You blew away that critic because you, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, are sensational.”

Kurt only looked at him.

“You are the best singer I have ever heard in my entire life, and you have barely done anything at all since you put this hat on.”

“Please, Kurt,” Blaine sighed, “I want my fiancé back.”

Kurt pulled away from Blaine, backing a few steps away. Blaine worried that this was it. He wouldn’t be able to do anything, that Kurt would waste away because of a fucking pink hat. Maybe he would kill Santana? Yes, that’s what he would do. Then he and Brittany would have to live sadly ever after together.

Blaine was shaken out of his spiral when Kurt lifted the hat very slowly off his head. As soon as it was off, it was like a spell broke. Kurt started at the hat with utter disgust, “I don’t need you,” He told it, before just tossing it out of sight.

“That’s littering, babe.”

——————————————-

Kurt only laughed before lunging forward and capturing Blaine’s lips with his.

So, Blaine wouldn’t have to live sadly ever after with Brittany S. Pierce after all.


End file.
